This past week was a bumpy one for me. I learned of a well-known 2012 colleague’s sudden illness. Rumors flew. Many mistakes and miscalculations occurred.
I was irritable with some people and judgmental of others.
It was awful and demoralizing. Here I had done in my life what I regarded as a great deal of study and experiential work. I thought I was beyond all that.
From that perspective, this was shaping up to be a pretty blue Christmas.
Then this morning (Dec. 24), after having had two violent nightmares, I said to Providence, I have not gotten rid of my “sleeping volcanoes,” my unfinished business or what Hindu non-dualists call “vasanas.”
“Vasana” is a Vedantic term for a persistent reaction pattern triggered by a current upset which resembles a past upset.
Moreover, I could not see how I could, now or ever, get rid of them. I felt totally defeated.
And then the light switch came on and, in a moment of insight, I saw what I needed to do. I didn’t need to eradicate them. I needed to stop serving them. The thought came up without context or forewarning.
At exactly that moment, what “serving them” meant became crystal clear as well.
I needed to:
Stop seeking the payoff I get by “being” my shortcomings
Stop selling to everyone the image I create that I am them (when it serves me) and that I’m not them (when it serves me).
Stop repeating the excuses, justifications, and denials that lie at the heart of them so that I never have to risk by living up to my full potential.
Stop retreating into the jailhouse of the old and familiar and begin stepping out on the road to the novel and unfamiliar.
Throw away the crutch they are.
Turn away from the safe and limited “me” they project.
Take on the assault of self-doubt and self-recrimination that instantly arises the moment I set foot out of my comfort zone.
Risk taking a stand on myself.
Having created a vacuum with these thoughts, scarcely a second intervened between them and the statement that fairly screamed out inside me: I serve Ascension. I had no sense of where this thought came from, but it was true.
I serve the Divine Plan. I serve planetary transformation.
I serve a world that works for everyone. Yes, I know it doesn’t work for everyone now and it probably won’t until we enter the Fifth Dimension. But I still serve the vision of it arising.
I serve the 2012 scenario. I serve global peace, harmony, and goodwill.
Yes, I have all my failings and shortcomings. Yes, I can be judgmental and irritable. Yes, I’ve been rotten at times in my life. Yes, tomorrow I may be as well. But I don’t serve these shortcomings. I serve Ascension.
At last I saw a glimmer of light where before all had been one step forward and two steps backward.
All that mattered was now. I serve Ascension now, in this moment, in this step, in washing this dish, in sweeping this floor.
I serve Ascension each moment I drop conflict. I serve Ascension in getting rid of all that distracts and clutters. I serve Ascension in sharing whatever love and forgiveness I have in me.
And, yes, I will forget I ever said this, and then remember, and then forget.
As it is now, this world is not necessarily friendly to transformation. So many people’s lives may not be working out that they may not want to hear about how well I feel at this moment.
But, quietly and unobtrusively (I hope), I serve their Ascension, my Ascension, our Ascension just the same.
The purpose of life is enlightenment. That Providence showed me long ago. (1) Ascension is enlightenment plus. It is my enlightenment plus yours. It is not just my soul transforming my mind but the restructuring and transforming of all our bodies, and even of the Earth itself. It is leaving one dimension as a group and entering another.
This total planetary transformation is the Divine Plan for humanity, gradually overtaking us between now and 2012 and beyond. I serve that Plan and that transformation.
(1) See “Epilog,” http://www.angelfire.com/space2/light111/epilog.html.