I go more deeply into the process of forgiving myself for ways of being that haven’t worked.
I’ve spent a lifetime being right and certainly that has never worked.
The price I’ve paid has been immense. My life has been trauma and drama with some islands of affection. Oh my gosh.
Enough of that. I don’t want to go there again.
Strangely enough what emerges, after that vasana disappears, is that for the moment I just want to sit back and enjoy myself.
I’ve spent a lifetime being right and that has only removed me from the moment.
Now I want to spend some time in the moment. Enjoyment lives in the moment. I just want to relax for a while outside my story and just be me, with a silly grin on my face if I wish.
I also notice myself drawn to meditation – the idea of perfect stillness appeals to me. Ahhh, the choices before me.
Before I go, on Kathleen’s advice, I took a big step in asking for forgiveness the other night, whose details I’m not at liberty to go into. But I’m experiencing a tremendous release of energy, a block that I didn’t even know or suspect I had. Apologies and forgiveness are definitely powerful, and I acknowledge my partner for that one.
Added to that release is what I see as an increasing plasticity in things.
For example, there’s a characteristic of flow these days to my work with my own vasanas. Archangel Michael has been encouraging us to create and I’m beginning to see signs of it in the plasticity of my spirit’s (1) response to my own vasanas.
It’s easier to summon up bliss from the heart by using my breathing than it was, say, a year ago.
I see this now-flowing consciousness as my male side and bliss as my female side. Both of them seem to be operating these days.
So a flowing consciousness and easier access to bliss – these are the kinds of signs of progress that a student of awareness would definitely sit up and take notice of. To such a one, these are big events.
A flowing consciousness is one freed from structures and linearity. Easier access to bliss may as well be the reward for all action – the alchemist’s gold, ambrosia, nectar of the gods.
(1) Or whatever other word you want to use to describe our point of consciousness, spark of divinity.